


Hokey Religions and Ancient Weapons

by voidstained



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Cult, Cults, Force Sensitivity, I promise, It's not sexual, Jealousy, Just the kiss, Luke and Leia lmao, Memories, Messy, Patricide, Religion, Sibling Incest, The Force, it's just an emo story, these tags r wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 07:51:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13049724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidstained/pseuds/voidstained
Summary: Through the years of his life, he had insisted that the Force was a myth. Even as his friends and family came to maintain the belief of it, even going as far as to say that they wielded its power, and still he refused to believe. He wouldn’t allow himself to descend into the insanity that they so warmly embraced. After all, someone had to keep them from falling apart. Han could keep a ship together with some bolt and screws and therefore, he reasoned, he could be the bolt that kept his screwy, ragtag band of people that he called a family together.





	Hokey Religions and Ancient Weapons

Han Solo had never been one to lay his belief into what he thought was just a myth- the Force, to him, was just a bunch of mumbo jumbo bantha shit that a religious group had stepped into eons before he was born. This group had taken the idea and ran with it, allowing it to permeate into the core of their very beliefs and eventually overran the Galaxy with it, forcing the mystical properties of their understanding of the universe onto what could be easily explained through basic physics. Of course, he had no formal understanding of these physics but he knew that they existed.  
Through the years of his life, he had insisted that the Force was a myth. Even as his friends and family came to maintain the belief of it, even going as far as to say that they wielded its power-

 

> _“Master Yoda said that the Force is omn-”_  
>  _“Luke, do you think I give an Ewok’s ass what Yoda says about it?” Han shook his head, ignoring the things he’d seen the other man do. It could be explained, couldn’t it? He felt as though he was losing his mind and taking the Falcon- the ship he had recently won- into a spiral downward into insanity._  
>  _If the Force existed, could you use it to control someone? Han wondered exactly that as he watched Luke and Leia embrace, lips locking into what seemed to be the only thing that mattered to them at the moment- that kiss that they shared. He swallowed the growing resentment and jealousy towards the couple and averted his eyes._  
>  _His lips pressed into Leia’s, eyes wide as he silently reeled over her confession- twins? Luke and Leia? But they had.. Was Leia able to do the things Luke did? Did she believe it? His thoughts melted away as his sanity was mended by her kiss._  
>  _His son, Ben, was screaming into the night; doctor upon doctor said it was just colic and he’d grow out of it. Leia watched their son scream and almost throw himself out of her arms with a look of despair. She looked to her husband with a silent plea, as if he could save the child from the invisible demon haunting them. Han could only shake his head, shake away the soft brushes at his mind that seemed to be calling out to him in a plea to just fix this, to hold them, both of them, protect me-_  
>  _Leia was sitting with her head in her hands, a soft sobbing noise emanating from her. Luke’s hand- too warm- rested on his shoulder as he watched Han with a sympathetic face. His son wasn’t here- his boy was afraid, he just knew it- but he was planets away at the cult’s home that Luke called a school._  
>  _“Your Force bullshit has gone too far!” He shouted, as if he could scream the pain away. He tore his body away from Luke’s grasp, glaring at the set of twins. “He’s my son too! Don’t I get a say in this? You ship him away for this, while I’m gone? You didn’t even tell me!”_

-and still he refused to believe. He wouldn’t allow himself to descend into the insanity that they so warmly embraced. After all, someone had to keep them from falling apart. Han could keep a ship together with some bolt and screws and therefore, he reasoned, he could be the bolt that kept his screwy, ragtag band of people that he called a family together.  
His family stayed together and lived for so long until, suddenly, it withered and died all at once. Cycles bled into each other and wrinkles formed on his face as he took time to process the news that Luke had delivered before disappearing, running from his problems. He, too, ran from the knowledge that he knew was true until he couldn’t run anymore. He abandoned his ship, abandoned his wife- his son was already gone, and he couldn’t abandon what wasn’t there.  
The ship, though, was more insistant than his wife- years after he left it, it found him and he felt as if he were home. ‘Home’ was a concept that Han began to understand once more, as the old members and the new bled into his life. Leia, the girl, his ship, the bases, the big deal, and his son-but-not-his-son all returned or appeared for the first time, all broken but seemingly trying to fix themselves.  
The most broken, though, was his son. Ben- his baby that had screamed every night as demons seemingly attacked him, ravaging his soul and mind until there was nothing left but pain. His son, who just wanted to fix the pain.  
Stepping onto that bridge, Han was more determined to fix things than he ever had been before. Face to face with a boy who was no longer a boy, his lips trembled just as he felt something- something he’d ignored and shoved aside for so long- also trembled.  
“I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain.” He couldn’t tear his eyes from the face in front of his- when did Ben get so tall? Stars, he never did grow into his nose..  
“I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?” The saber was infront of him. Han could just grab it and prevent what was about to come- how was he so sure? Was it the dark look growing in Ben’s eyes or the tremble in the boy’s hands as Han grasped the hilt.  
“Yes,” Han had never been so sure of anything in his life as he answered, immediate and so willing. He certainly wasn’t sure of many things about his son- why did he do this? When did his eyes become so broken looking? - but he was sure that he’d do anything for him. He turned the hilt gently, his back straightening as if it hadn’t been nearly broken in the past years from the weight of everything that was happening. “Anything.”  
It wasn’t as painful as he thought it’d be. He would have taken this pain and multiplied it, stretched it over millions of parsecs rather than the mere seconds it was to last him, if it were to save his son. Inhaling one last time- no, he couldn’t inhale, it was all happening too fast, it was all too wrong but he was doing it for all the right reasons- he reached up and rested his fingers, roughened by the years, on Ben’s cheek for one last time.

 

> _“This map's not complete. It's just a piece. Ever since Luke disappeared, people have been looking for him.”_  
>  _"Why did he leave?” The girl was curious, he’d give her that. She had a light in her eyes that said she held some sort of power- it was the same look he saw in his son’s eyes, once._  
>  _“He was training a new generation of Jedi. One boy,” Han felt his throat tighten as he spoke, ”an apprentice, turned against him, destroyed it all. Luke felt responsible. He just walked away from everything.”_  
>  _“Do you know what happened to him?” The Big Deal spoke up, his face just as curious._  
>  _“A lot of rumors. Stories. People that knew him best think he went looking for the first Jedi temple.”_  
>  _“The Jedi were real?” The girl’s eyes widened as if she had just been told the biggest secret in the Galaxy, maybe even the Universe._  
>  _“I used to wonder about that myself. Thought it was a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. A magical power holding together good and evil, the dark side and the light. Crazy thing is... it's true.” Han looked away, blinking once then twice. He had denied it for so long and yet, it still was bringing ruin to his life._

Han could feel himself fading as he watched the light diminishing from his son’s face, a face that was too mature for the little boy remembered, a face that was cloaked in the dying red light which was casted from the dead star and the broken saber. He was going to fix his son’s pain, even if that meant fixing it at the price of his life and even adding to it for quite some time. He promised Leia that he would bring their son home.  
Leia.  
Would she know?  
He had to say goodbye- he couldn’t just leave her with their last conversation, even if it was one of hope.  
With what little energy he had left, as the lighted blade began to die out and remove itself from the hole in his chest- his heart that hadn’t been whole in so long- he hoped for the Force to be real and in his favor, just once. For Leia’s sake..  
Han reached out.

_“The Force. The Jedi... All of it... It's all true.”_


End file.
